Sandcastles
I’ve gazed at the amazing detail of ginormous sandcastles built by teams of sun burned, leather-skinned, beach people…and wondered; who could bear the thought of creating such elaborate designs in sand and sea, only to watch them disappear with each encroaching wave! What a waste of time; putting all that effort building something that certainly will not last…ridiculous!
Then it hit me…I totally missed the point, and it exposed a way of thinking in me that is frankly a bit ugly. Let me explain. I can remember the absolute and unapologetic joy I felt as a child, watching my simple unimpressive, beach-bucket sandcastles get pummeled by the Galveston surf and reconstituted back into the beach—leaving no sign or trace of their previous existence. Watching the demise of the castles seemed to be integral to my joy, more so than the construction process! Whaaaat? So, the ridiculous beach people seemed to be having an immense amount of fun creating and letting go of any attachment to their grand work—and that seemed to be the point…counterintuitive to life as a driven grown-up fixated on results (and often resulting in disappointment when outcomes don’t match expectations). I became envious of the beach people.
Enter 2020, COVID19, rioting and violent protests, political divisiveness, hurricanes, economic shutdowns, travel restrictions, homeschooling, teleworking, TP shortages, ammo shortages, changing regulations, deaths of friends, family, or acquaintances (from COVID AND suicide), and a variety of other significant disruptions to our life pre-COVID. I would say that there were more than a few sandcastles destroyed in 2020. (But I have to admit, that many of these sandcastles had already started to weather irreparably, from rain, repeated maintenance attempts, and abandonment)
Over the course of 2020, (really, over the last decade of my life) I’ve been learning to release a lot of unrealistic ideas, outcomes, and expectations. For example, like what exactly it is that I think I can control—which ultimately isn’t much beyond my attitude towards myself and others. As I’ve grown older & wiser (and in some cases more frustrated), I’ve realized that my frustration is a signpost of unresolved “pride” and a continuance of false beliefs summed up in this-- I exert more control over the world (or circumstances) than I really do. For you this may be something different. For me, growing through this is about discovering what is within my sphere of influence and what is not, and focusing my skills, motives, and attitude righteously towards the right causes. This is a pattern I’ve discerned through the lens of ritually “looking back”, as part of my continual self-improvement effort, usually hyper focused during Lent. Learning to let go has become a critical component of my personal self-care, and a damn big challenge for someone who’s identity statement is “you are/I am a man who never gives up”. I would imagine that you can now begin to imagine why some of my false beliefs and primary identity statement can create some dissonance in my life:/.
While I had moments of existential darkness in 2020, I continue to remain optimistic about the future and the multitude of opportunities to lean into what it means to let go enough to be present, to love others, and to be free from busy-ness or distractions that characterized life pre-quarantine.
After a frustrating day, I was praying to let go and reinterpret some events that really set me off and…the revelatory salt spray hit me right in the eyes (…and yes it stung a little) -- The things I fret about, just like sandcastles…have a sure fate, be it by wind, wave, or rain. The vast majority of my sandcastles will never last. Most might last a day, some maybe a month, a few perhaps for a year, a couple maybe for a decade, but none beyond a lifetime. Let’s sit with that for a moment.
Understand, this is not to say that our lives don’t have multigeneration or eternal meaning, they certainly do! This is more about how, what, and where we invest our efforts, such that we actually do leave lasting footprints; not in the sand and sea, but on the hearts of those we are called to steward, love, and care for, over the course of a determinate biological lifespan.
You see, the idea that I would curse the waves for washing away my elaborate mental castles or expectations for how things could, would, or should, go was categorically insane! The result was always the same by virtue of my prized castle’s geographic location and composition-- I built them out of sand by the sea! And I paid a foolish price (by choice, mind you) …being discontent while angry or bitter about things I thought I could control, but never could! That came at a cost…and I invested that time poorly when I could have been about meaningful work—like the beach people teaching us that outcomes are less important than the relationships we share and attitudes we exhibit towards this physical life.
And the provocative irony? Well, without all the utterly disruptive experiences of 2020, I doubt I would have paused long enough to consider the wisdom of the beach people. I may be a grown-up, but I, with a childlike spirit, have the freedom to choose to watch my castles pass in peace and merriment at the sunset of each day, and in appreciation for the process. I don’t have to be bitter or angry or possessive or controlling about outcomes.
Perhaps this season of Lent may provide you with the opportunity to reflect on your own sandcastles and better ways of building with everlasting materials in ways that breathe freedom and LIFE back into life. I recommend reading Matthew 7:24-27 with this alternative perspective and that may open some new and very applicable ways of seeing an old truth. Then, maybe you too, like me, can consecrate your margarita and become one of the beach people😉! Cheers to making the best of each day you hold within your grasp, and cheers to faith in the Great Breath to care for our every tomorrow.